Stupid Cupid

So, I gave in and joined OkCupid. Just like when I joined Tinder (which you can read about here) I did it mostly out of curiosity. I’m in a new city, where I know quite a few people, but not a ton, and everyone keeps talking about okcupid. I work from home, so I don’t really get out much.

The whole online dating thing is really awkward. I don’t think anyone can disagree with that. If you have found a way to make it less awkward, please share. Even though Tinder is primarily used for hookups, the good thing about it is, no one can message you unless you “like” each other. Okcupid doesn’t work that way. Anyone can message you. I discovered that within 5 minutes of creating an account. The last few weeks have led to a lot of questions, confusion, sighs, eye rolls, and quite a few laughs…

What’s the point in having profiles if no one reads them?

The first message I got was from a couple. I’m not morally against open relationships or polyamory, but it’s not my thing. If you and your partner have agreed and that’s the kind of relationship you prefer, cool, you do you. However, I clearly state that I am a straight woman interested in a monogamous relationship with a man. Some people obviously didn’t read. Actually, a lot of people didn’t read.

I’m 25, almost 26. Listed on my profile is an age range for the men I would be interested in: 25 – 35. I have gotten countless messages from 19 – 22 year olds. Seriously? What would I even do with a 19 year-old? What would we talk about? Are you trying to use me to buy you alcohol? Have you ever even kissed a girl? Okay, that last one is probably a stretch, but you get the idea. At some point in life, age doesn’t matter so much, but we grow so much between 18 and 21, 21 and 23, 23 and 25…Please don’t message me if you’re under 25, maybe 24.

Everyone loves a compliment, but using one adjective to describe me is not going to give me much to talk about.

“Gorgeous.” “So cute.” “Super beautiful.” It’s really flattering to hear (or in this case, read) these things, but that doesn’t give me much to go on. What do I do, say thank you and then wait for you to say something else? Do I now have to give you a compliment too, or is a thank you sufficient? Is it now my job to come up with a topic when you are the one who initiated conversation?

And while we are on the subject of conversation…

Some of the messages I have gotten do not make any sense, and others are just funny. I got one message that read, “Its Saturday night its time.” I know I am being too critical, but bad grammar is an instant turn-off. Also, what does that mean? It’s time for what? Is that a reference to something that I just am not getting? Your water broke? It’s morphin’ time? Another guy asked me if I am paid by the app. Nice try. Someone else’s first message was to ask if I would be interested in a threesome (you can’t see me right now but I’m giving a major side eye).

Then we have the men who get snippy if you don’t respond. One guy called me a snob. Don’t get all butthurt because someone doesn’t want to talk to you. Do you know how many men I have messaged who just never answered? Too many to count. Did I get mad at them for not answering? No. They didn’t ask for me to message them nor indicate in any way that they were interested in me. That’s fine. They obviously were just not interested. Or maybe they have more important things to do than answer every single message they get from complete strangers.

What’s with all the tacos?

I have noticed a lot of usernames with the word “taco.” Do guys just really love tacos that much? Is that some sort of weird online dating thing that I’ve just totally missed? OH!!…as I am typing this, I think I have realized what it’s referencing. I’m actually really disappointed in myself for not getting this sooner. I mean, I say, “that’s what she said” at least once a day and laugh at really inappropriate jokes, so I definitely should have figured this out without asking. (If I’m way off on this, someone please tell me.)

If I “liked” him, and he “liked” me, why didn’t he respond?

So, there’s this whole business of “liking” someone. You view their profile, you hit “like” and it notifies you if they like you back. Sometimes I have a mutual like and I’ll send him a message. I try to talk about something I read in his profile or noticed in his pictures. Most of the guys never respond. I can’t tell you how many profiles say that they love when a woman messages first. Ok, well, I did that, and you “liked” me back, so why aren’t you responding? Do men have a secret turn-off list like what I’m talking about now? Would they be more inclined to answer if I said something dirty or creepy like the things some men say to me? Am I totally wasting my time with this?

I’m still kind of fascinated by the whole thing. Every day, I seem to have more questions and no answers to any of them. All of my friends have the same questions. I’m keeping a list, so stay tuned for more. In the meantime, if you can clarify any of the above, or have fun, crazy, interesting, weird, or creepy moments of your own, please, do tell.