I’ve heard a lot of people talking about Tinder over the last year or so, but I never thought that it was something I would be interested in. If you read my previous post, you know that I am not really concerned about finding a significant other (I’m also not usually one to date casually). I have a lot of gay guy friends who told me about Grindr, and they explained that Tinder is sort of the straight equivalent. One night, shortly after moving to New York City, I got bored and a little curious and decided to download Tinder (I might also have been thinking about my ex at that moment and hoping to find a hot rebound). It’s been about 3 weeks since I started using the app, and I wanted to share some of my experiences, thoughts, advice, questions, etc….
Some of the guys are very clearly only interested in one thing, which I knew going into it, but if you can’t say anything more than “what are you doing tonight? …maybe we can meet up later… hurry up and figure it out…” I’m probably not going to give you that one thing you’re interested in. I can’t speak for every girl, but I need to feel like you are actually interested in me, or at least pretending to be. I also need to be reassured that you are not a serial killer, rapist, or totally catfishing. If we’ve been talking for a few hours, days, weeks, etc. then maybe we can talk about the next step. I understand the dangers associated with meeting strangers online, so I’m going to want to meet you in person first, and in a public place. Also, if you can’t get through a few conversations about my hobbies or interests, then I’m going to go ahead and assume that you don’t have the attention span to focus on other things like foreplay. Newsflash: girls very much enjoy and need foreplay.
I’ve had 40+ matches so far, and I have been the first to message most of them. I consider myself a feminist, so I have no problem making the first move, but I have been very surprised, and a little confused, by my experience so far. As of today, I have 46 matches. 5 of the guys messaged me first (one of them has a podcast and it is strictly a business discussion…so far. More to come on that later). 18 of them are still in limbo, meaning neither of us have sent a message. I messaged 21 of them first. 11 of them never responded to my initial message. 4 of them have kept some sort of conversation going. I’m not necessarily upset nor offended by the stats, it’s really just an observation, but if we matched, why not send a message? If you are waiting for the woman to make the first move, and she does, why not respond?
I’ve also noticed several businesses, vloggers, musicians, and artists promoting their work on Tinder. Is this a new way of advertising? I think I might have just found a great topic for another blog post…
Most of the men list their height in their descriptions. Am I the only woman who isn’t concerned with that? Sure, I have my dream man in mind…brown hair, blue eyes, beard, tattoos, 5’10” – 6’1”… have any of the guys that I have dated met all of that criteria? Hell no. Is the height thing really the first question/biggest concern women have? If the answer is yes, then gentlemen, you are talking to the wrong women. I promise you we are not all worried about petty things like that. If we are looking for a soul mate, then we won’t care how tall he is. If we are just looking for a one-night stand, his height is not what we’re going to be measuring….
I may or may not have had a few glasses of wine before writing this post, and got on Tinder as I wrote it. I caught myself getting in the habit of just swiping left, then almost immediately regretting it. Then I realized that I was swiping right on a few that I’m not sure I meant to. The other day, I got on for a few minutes while I was cooking dinner and accidentally burned my food. The lesson here: do not cook or drink while Tindering.
I don’t think I have had the app long enough to really record my experiences, but this is what I’ve discovered so far. I still can’t decide how I feel about the whole thing. I am new to the city, and even though I have friends here, I am very interested in meeting new people, whether it be romantic or totally platonic. I am sure I will have plenty of interesting stories if I continue to use Tinder. I will make sure to keep you posted. In the meantime, maybe I’ll start some Tinder experiments? Any ideas or suggestions? What would you like to see? What have you noticed/experienced? Let me know in the comments or Twitter!